The Cubs have lost six consecutive games, aiding the arrival of hundreds of e-mailed article submissions to The Heckler over the weekend, despite a clear warning against unsolicited written submissions. Luckily for the publication’s editors, The Heckler recently enlisted help from the very subject matter of said articles, Satan Beelzebub, in order to halt the deluge.

“The floodgates open pretty much any weekend that the Cubs drop two of three games,” said George Ellis, Managing Editor, who also added, “Something had to be done…and when you end up reading thousands of these article ideas a year, most of which are poignant and hilarious, I guess it starts to effect your everlasting soul.

Stories involving many struggling Cubs players are likely to be highly impacted by the new arrangement, among them Freddy Bynum, Aramis Ramirez, and Neifi Perez, along with Cubs Manager Dusty Baker and GM Jim Hendry. Many burgeoning authors of fake news were seen Monday laughing at the news while simultaneously cursing under their breath at the prospect of writing for The Heckler without use of “The Tempter.”

Even so, the dark deal wasn’t as one-sided as some mortals might think.

“Do you have any idea how many quotes I have to give to people staying up at 3:00 a.m. writing these fake stories?” asked Lucifer. “No, you don’t have any idea, because you’re not a beautiful fallen angel. Yeah, you know a lot about Jerry Hairston Jr.’s on-base percentage, but did 1/3 of heaven arrive with you in the Depths of Hell around the time of Creation? Didn’t think so, CubbyFan1954.

Reportedly in exchange of no further “deal with the devil” articles, beginning next Friday night The Heckler will run a weekly online piece detailing the recent activities of DePaul University’s mascot. Also, in addition to stopping further “deal” pieces from reaching The Heckler’s inbox, Satan Himself will increase the paper’s circulation to 100,000 and deliver one-fourth of the kingdoms in this world to The Heckler’s founding partners.