this will only be truly great for a few people, but i think it’s weird enough to be universally enjoyed. just scroll down a bit and check out the name of Fozzy’s lead vocalist.

…actually, now that i look closer, all their names are equally hilarious.

Some people are just stupid. No, really. They are. In this update I will document this recent death threat for your amusement.

Here’s the first email I got out of the blue, having no idea what it was in refrence to:

Subj: halfhonk
Date: 10/27/00 10:55:17 PM
From: AdRaStEiA001
To: Sneetch99

touch him, and you’ll be the one to die

Subj: Re: halfhonk
Date: 10/27/00 11:33:12 PM
From: Sneetch99
To: AdRaStEiA001

what are you talking about?

Subj: Re: halfhonk
Date: 10/27/00 11:55:36 PM
From: AdRaStEiA001
To: Sneetch99

i just saw what was written on his website you and someone else wanting to kill him or something. go to www.halfhonk.com

Subj: Re: halfhonk
Date: 10/28/00 4:33:58 AM
From: Sneetch99
To: AdRaStEiA001

what the hell? that comment was made on Dank2k.org, and if you are smart enough to read english and know what punctuation and context are, you will be smart enough to realize that the comment didn’t even refer to that halfhonk guy. The comment says something like “does anyone want to kill that honkey, Sneetch.” Meaning they were calling me, sneetch a honkey. it had nothing to do with your halfhonk character. so in the future, try to send intelligent emails instead of slack ass ones. Schwagg.

Subj: Re: halfhonk
Date: 10/28/00 2:19:54 PM
From: AdRaStEiA001
To: Sneetch99

ok sorry for the mix up heheh go take a shit or something yousound too up tight kiddo!

Okay, he called me “kiddo”. You know what I think, seriously? I think they made this up to get some more traffic to halfhonk.com. Seriously. They obviously are in desperate need of hits for that site. So the guy emails me and he’s like “I dont know.. just go to halfhonk.com and read about the death threat… um, yeah, thats it. GO THERE.” It’s all an evil plot.

taken from halfhonk.com’s october 26th post:

“apparently, someone is out to get me:

one last thing…anyone but me wanna kill that honkey punk, sneetch? lemme know, i know some gang-bangerz that may be down fo da job. l8

someone = dankcontent?
i guess that’s just another enemy.”

and from a post on the 27th:

“got an email about the “death threat” thing (here). somehow, the post had nothing to do with me. understand that? .. me either. (thanks to whoever stood up for me and threatened him for messing with me, but i guess its all good now, heh)”

hm. since i haven’t seen the original email that sneetch received, i don’t have much to say, other than a simple rhetorical question: what kind of readers is dank getting if people don’t understand what the purpose of a comma is? this revelation deeply saddens and disturbs me.

also, if dank kills anyone, i would prefer it to be someone like justin.

I figure I may as well resort to using any and all resources I have to attempt to increase the “readership” of my tiny little “website thingy.” Click on that there link thing, you may like what little it is I have written, and if not, you may like the wallpapers. You may also despise all of it, but who knows, give it a shot I guess. Be warned this content was written at around 5 am, so is not exactly the most sensical shit. I don’t think sensical is a word, though I know nonsensical is, so fuck it, ya know? I’m out like um… um, I can’t think of anything witty to be out like, so I’m just out.

First off the inscrutable drama queen registered some email addy of satan at something.something and I want to distinguish one thing, I do not want to be that person, and there is nothing quite like the originator, the misnomer, yours truly. But I digress, I love conflict, so fuck it.

Jerome told me to post this on dank because I am a lazy ass sonofabitch, as I should, so read up.

I highly doubt any of you read or even know what [H]ard|OCP is, let alone read it, but that’s where I spotted this shit. Microsoft got hacked. Now, when I say hacked, I mean motherfucking tossed to the curb bloody and violated HACKED. This kinda brings to mind why the build of the next windows kernel, codenamed whistler, has been floating around the web. Notice in the article that this was just discovered, and people have had access to Microsoft for 3 MONTHS!!!!!! Don’t you love it? You don’t? Well, too bad. If you knew what a kernel was you’d like it a little at least. Oh, by the way, that doesn’t have anything to do with corn ya jackass.

I have no pictures for you, and I don’t feel like competing in sneetch and jamaal’s little links contest(by the way, you’re both amateurs so far, I could double the number in each one of your posts) but I will end this with a little admission.

Before I go, sneetch, you’re a fool. First off, Remember the Titans was a really shitty movie, and deserved to get bashed for being too much fucking melodramatic cozy teddy bear lovin horseshit. It was what could’ve been a good dramatic plot turned into a fucking disney movie. A happy ending often makes a shitty fucking movie if it has nothing to do with the plot. Your knowing the ending of Pay it Forward for the entire movie by nature contradicts your statement of it being a rare and awesome movie. The underlying implication in your entire post that the violence in movies and in media has an influence on people is the stupidest thing I have ever heard come from you. EVERY FUCKING STAT IN EXISTENCE SHOWS VIOLENT CRIME GOING DOWN, for one thing, and another, the single study that almost singlehandedly led to the inclusion of the v chip in televisons and is touted by many as the defining study on the subject is a farce. The study followed 875 men from age 8 to age 30, and out of those 875, 3, yes, a grand total of 3 fucking people, commited violent crimes or ended up in jail. Those are touted as definitive results. NOT ONLY THAT, the study’s authors tout the 3 Stooges as a horrible influence on society, as one of the most violent shows on television, because it “liberally promotes consequence-less violence.” As we all know, slapstick comedy is the bane of our society. The expressed concept that a sappy plot and ending makes a good movie is another fallacy. “Billy Elliot” will fail as a movie in the US because it is about a little boy who wants to be a dancer, not something that most people want to watch a movie about, and saying that all the movie tries to do is tug the heart strings too repetitively is a bad thing is not a ripping indictment of all that we are supposed to hold dear. One of the best movies easily in the last 10 years by nearly all acounts except the religious right is Fight Club, and I personally would like to see Tyler Durden beat the fuck out of Billy Elliot. I’m done talking about that now.

Oh, my admission- I’m quitting school.

hmm…apparently not everyone liked the new radiohead album, kid a. rolling stone’s article takes it to an extreme. everyone should email the foolish individual who wrote it and let him know how super funny he is. incidentally, as i was re-reading just now, i found one of his comments fits the theme of his article almost too perfectly.

“H is for humor and the complete lack thereof.”

/me shrugs

whatup!?!?! jamaal inna hizouse! i know it’s been a while since i been up in dis mix, so i gotsta shout out an apology to y’allz. but i gotz a good excuse, my webTV busted. that’s right, my shit broke. see, i tried to overclock the bitch since it was loading my gangsta rap lyrics page all slow. now i know what y’allz be sayin’ to yo selves, “what the fuck, nigga? why you be up into that cracker-ass cracker overclocking shit? besides, you can’t overclock a webTV anyway”. my reply to you is as such, straight thugs like my dogg Aaron McCray be representin like every single day on the net, i gotsta give them props by loading their pages with a quickness. i be perpetratin’! so i figure that with a 167 MHz MIPS custom graphics processor, surely i could chill that mofo out and get it up to like athlon speed, for real. i open the thing up, and there are transistors and resistors and shit everywhere! i figure that if i put an ice cold glass of red juice on top, it will keep the thing cold and then, damn! fast internet surfin! and it actually worked, that is until it got all hot. and then the glass started getting all wet with condensation, and dripped into the case. it dripped right onto that mad-fast graphics processor, and the shit blew up like DMX’s last single! anyway, to make a long story short, i just finally sold enough crack to buy this new webTV. HAHAHAHA! shit, dogg. i was clownin’! i thieved this muh-fucker! i bought some new kicks with my crack-rock dollaz. i’ll be up in this like every single day from now on. tight. one last thing….anyone but me wanna kill that honkey punk, sneetch? lemme know, i know some gang-bangerz that may be down fo da job. l8.

i spent this weekend doing many things, none of which could be mistaken for productivity of any kind. i saw pay it forward. it was pretty good…good acting, interesting premise. in other news, dank is starting to hurt my eyes. i foresee a new release in the not-to-distant future…

I just saw Pay it Forward, a seriously rare and awesome film. Not that Haley Joel, (Trevor McKinney), isn’t annoying. He still kind of is, or then again maybe he is awesome. I can’t commit to a decision. I’m so confused about one thing. Has anyone else noticed something terribly odd about this movie? WHY IS EVERYTHING IN IT BLUE?! Seriously. The sets, her bra, his eyes, everything is freaking blue. Why is that?! Perhaps it is a communist plot.

OH, and during the movie i actually felt like i had power over everyone in the theater because i knew the end and could scream it out at any time to ruin everyone else’s fun. Of course, i didn’t. But I could have. Oh, I could have.

Now that brings me to Lisa Schwarzbaum’s horrible review. She says the film is too clichèd and that it manipulates the audience to want to do good. Oh yeah, thats horrible. If people were compelled to do good this world might come to a firey end. I think she is definitely correct and Hollywood should continue to make horrible movies about date rape and recreational killing. What is she thinking? Call me a female, but movies such as Forward and Remember the Titans, with their pg-13 ratings, limited bad language and empowering and uplifting messages are actually a refreshing break from bathroom humor and Eminem. Ok, I’m done whining now. All i know is that I win the cookie for having more links in one post than anyone ever.

An afterthought: After getting all worked up writing that, I picked up an old Time Magazine to relax with. To my dismay, I read this bad review for the great euro-flick, Billy Elliot. Freaking Richard Corliss hated it for the same reason the woman hated Forward! He calls it sappy and manipulative. And he came dangerously close to making fun of Life is Beautiful. Schwagg as heck.

so it appears we, as a collective whole, are nearing the day when our lives could forever be changed. taken from a random britney site:

Tune into MTV’s Making The Video on Monday, October 23rd, for a behind the scenes look at the making of Britney’s “Stronger,” the latest single and video from the Oops!…I Did It Again Album.

if you remember correctly, this is the fabled “chair” video, where miss spears will supposedly deal with an innocent lounging device in ways that will bring several consecutive smiles to our faces. i believe i’ve spotted that very chair in a promotional shot stolen from her home site…

pay special attention to all the random assholes standing around blocking everything important. anyway, this video will either be the best thing since nat sherman decided to get into the killing business, or we will all be disappointed as hell, and smoke ourselves to death.

can’t wait till monday? take a 5.57 mb sneak peak.